Dealing with Daily life

When I'm angry and struggling with situations in life I know I can't do anything about my only option seems to be letting it sit and bitter in my heart. While I'm unable to do anything, God is capable of doing everything with it and healing my hurt. I know this, but for some reason giving up the feirce grip of negative angry thoughts is still so hard to do.

"You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt should lose it's taste how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket but rather on a lampstand and it gives light for all who are in the house"
- Mathew 5:13-15

14 Weeks Pregnant

New Year Post

A lot has happened this year. I went to Mexico, started working at countess place, graduated, got married, moved out of my parents' house. Through it all I was trying to read through the bible. I was more often ahead and behind.

So, a new chapter of my life begins, and new year. But this time, most of my decisions have to be brought up with Wade as well. It's been a year of many spiritual up's and downed. Some of these things have been recorded in my blog entries this past year. I've got lots of hopes for this year. It's my hope that I'm following God's plan for a relationship, I'll be able to follow His plan for other parts of my life.

Today, I'm full of hope. I can't say the whole year has been so wonderful. I felt crushed and hopeless many times. Just after getting married was very hard for me. I was homesick, and scared of having to take control of my life and direct my own path of. I felt hopeless because I figured I'd never be able to do what God it asks me, or maybe, God wouldn't ask me to do anything because I'm not faithful. Anyway, this has been a pretty rambling entry, but it's a record of what has come to mind thinking about the year.

The Mexico trip was amazing. I can look back on that as a blueprint of what my daily walk with God should look like. We ate together every day, met together for prayer every morning, had morning devotions every day, had a study every evening. Each day we did some work of help. I tried handing out tracts to people and reading them to them, I asked a lady how to pronounce Spanish words so I could.

What a beautiful eight days of my life! I dreamt of starting a mission trip to Portage, of inviting my neighborhood into my home for bible studies, of handing out tracts and telling people about Jesus, heaven, hell, and god. These are my dreams. They're even bigger than I can put on paper. I dream of Christians who would sell everything and live together, meeting every morning for prayer and evening to share and learn. Each day to go out and share the gospel and lend help.

I have a plan for the next 90 days starting tomorrow. I hope two: choose a one day a week to fast, read through the bible, pray every morning, read and learn from " the love dare"

7 Weeks Pregnant (didn't know it yet)

How's it been going

Still haven't managed to get a regular or decent bed time going, but I am getting better about waking up at a good time and not taking any naps, eating well is not as I would like it but is definately better and yay, I've been sketching again. I've been going through some art teaching books from the library my art has been stagnant lately and I hope to make some progress there.

One of the things that has motivated me to get up and do these things is something I read recently in the bible, "A slacker's way is like a thorny hedge, but the path of the upright is a highway. Proverbs 15:19"

I got to thinking about this, a thorny hedge is difficult to navigate through, but on a highway you can speed right along, the slacker thinks their taking a short cut, not doing work or what is necessary, but their short lazy way is far more difficult than if they had just done things the proper way.

I think of how I would like to read and study the bible more so I understand more about God and what He says, I want to know Him more, I'd like to spend more time in meditation and prayer, I'd like to learn more about art, more time studying art books and doing sketching excercises, I'd like also to memorize, but so often I figure I need a little more sleep first, or get on the computer and wittle away a couple hours browsing and on facebook, instead of personal study or meditation I listen to sermons, and when my head won't take in any more sermons I listen to christian music, and when I can't take in any more of that I go to classical and jazz.

I want the satisfaction of accopmlishment, I want wisdom and knowlege but these small satisfactions and educational puruits that take minimal effort get in the way of my greater satisfactions and understanding that take hours, days, weeks, and years of concerted concentrated effort, and this slackers way is thorny. If I just had the dicipline, I'd be on the highway instead of wrestling through these thorns.

August sunset in Portage close to where we've been living

I took this picture as a resource for a drawing a want to do some day