Me and my little girl having a moment
Staying warm by the fire after a bath
So being a mother has consumed most of my life as of late... actually, all of my life has been taken over by this new joyous task of baby raising. She's over two months old now and it has been two months with some of the most amazing and most stressfull moments in my own 22 years of life.
One of the most precious moments in my life was when she was born. I asked to hold her immediately and as the screaming little body was placed on my belly she calmed down and silently rested there, we both where so content. I looked down at her and instantly loved the little warm infant, I thought she was beautiful.
Ten minutes felt like seconds and the doctor was asking to cut the cord and take her away to do their check up stuff I didn't want to part with her but I hesitantly allowed them to take her away. The next afternoon we headed home and I set up my room like the hospital with everything near by so that I didn't even need to leave the bed to care for her it was very convenient. Mom came over and helped out with a lot of stuff.
Staying warm by the fire after a bath
So being a mother has consumed most of my life as of late... actually, all of my life has been taken over by this new joyous task of baby raising. She's over two months old now and it has been two months with some of the most amazing and most stressfull moments in my own 22 years of life.
One of the most precious moments in my life was when she was born. I asked to hold her immediately and as the screaming little body was placed on my belly she calmed down and silently rested there, we both where so content. I looked down at her and instantly loved the little warm infant, I thought she was beautiful.
Ten minutes felt like seconds and the doctor was asking to cut the cord and take her away to do their check up stuff I didn't want to part with her but I hesitantly allowed them to take her away. The next afternoon we headed home and I set up my room like the hospital with everything near by so that I didn't even need to leave the bed to care for her it was very convenient. Mom came over and helped out with a lot of stuff.
To forwarn you, an account of my breastfeeding exprience ahead,
After three days we discovered she wasn't gaining weight properly and wasn't sucking well so whenever she wasn't sleeping she was crying and after three more stressful days of trying, waking her up every two hours to try get her to eat, I finally had to start using some formula, feeding her has been the most stressful aspect of these few months I've had with her, I can only imagine how simple things would have been if breastfeeding had gone smoothly.
As it is, I had to start pumping and couldn't get Wesley to latch or if she did she didn't suckle much at all. Over the course of time I've tried all kinds of things, waking her every three hours, cup feeding, finger feeding, nipple shield, kangaroo care, chiropractor visits all to get her to latch and pumping, herbal supplements, and domperidone to keep my milk supply up. Over the course of time I spent hours reading up on all the information I could find on what other people have done in my situation. Sometimes I figured I would just have to accept my role in her life as a mom who was going to pump milk for her and bottle feed her for the first year of life, sometimes I was close to giving up completely. I don't know what's wrong with me but somehow giving up just isn't an option I supose I'm incrediby stubborn that way and it finally seems to be paying off!!
At just about three months she is finally a latching baby and it takes a bit of training on my part to get used to this idea, I always nurse her before bottle feedings now and she is needing less and less bottle feedings all the time. Bottle feeding is so much more convenient in public right, so I have to train myself not to resort to it out of embarasment. I have a nursing baby I just have to get used to the idea of being a nursing mama.
Thoughts that kept me going:
"It's not going to happen quickly this will be two steps forward one step back" A breastfeeding friend of mine from church told me that her son got frustrated with bottle feeding because it was to slow for him so I figured aha! "A key component to this is getting enough milk for her to prefer me to the bottle." And when I did get her latched on and she was barely sucking (as usual) or just sitting there I would just leave her there as long as it wasn't time for me to pump or she wasn't searching for some sustinence "comfort nursing first, then as she begins to associate the breast with food nutritive nursing would follow naturaly" I also left her there thinking to myself, "she's learning, this is learning time for her as she figures this out"
Once she hit 12 pounds I let her set her own sleep schedual and wake and sleep all she liked. I believe our first real breakthrough happened when I sat on the couch, put her on a pillow latched on and lay my head on the back of the couch and fell asleep. Over time we found out how to lay down on the couch with her on my stomach resting in my one arm which was suported by the back of the couch, our most recent accomplishment is the side lying possition which we both love.
Eventually I believe it was shear persistance and some grace from God for all the patience that made it work.
Thanks for this post! Nursing was one of the hardest things for Judah and I as well. Our case was different, though. It seemed like he was latching on just fine and getting enough, and this lasted for about three months. But then he was weighed, and we found out he had been losing weight consistently over the three months. He hadn't been getting enough, and my body was only providing as much as he had been drinking. I tried pumping like crazy to get my supply back up, but it didn't work. I was so stressed out about his weight. Stress affects me physically. Needless to say, I dried up. Nothing would bring it back. I was so tormented by the thought that I would have to formula feed my baby. I took it out on myself. But, then, as we supplemented with formula and he gained back his weight and he was finally healthy and content, I began to see that the most important thing for me to do was make sure he was getting a good start in life. A motto that really helped me was "I'm in favour of feeding babies!" Kind of silly, really, but holding onto guilt and beating myself up about it affected my ability to care for Judah.
ReplyDeleteBreast feeding is hard work! I'm excited to give it another go, though. I'll definitely do things differently this time!
I'm so glad that your "stubbornness" has paid off! And by "stubbornness" I definitely mean your love for Wesley and desire to do what's best for her. :)